The Goal is Connection, Not Perfection

By tybennett | Published: October 4, 2011

When it comes to communication, whether you are speaking to a large audience, selling to an individual, teaching a class or having a conversation with your spouse, I believe that most of us aim at the wrong target.

When you read any book on communication, or if you ask anyone what their goal is for their presentation – they will talk about making it perfect.

They want you to have the right opening, structure the presentation correctly, back up every point, make it engaging, and close in a memorable way. I agree with all of those concepts (in fact I teach them) but I believe we miss the mark if we focus on perfection.

Instead the focus of our communication should be connection. Think about this for a moment. The golden rule of business is that people do business with and refer business to people they know, like and trust. A perfect presentation doesn’t help people know you, like you, or trust you unless you connect.

I have been in thousands of sales situations either one on one or with small groups. I have taught workshops to tens of thousands of people, and I have spoken on stages to audiences as big as 15,000. I don’t think I have ever given a perfect presentation, but my goal is never perfection – it is connection.

So how do you connect? Here are Four Connection Tools:

1. Be Authentic
When we are real with people, they are typically real with us. I am amazed by how many people try and put on a front or play a part when they are speaking or presenting, and we all have internal “phony-detectors” that cause us to turn off from these people. Don’t try to be someone you are not, or what you think you they want. Be confident in who you are, it’s the only way to connect.

2. Be Curious
Connection only comes when you engage the people you are talking to and make them part of the conversation. When you are naturally curious to learn about others and get to know them, it is an endearing quality. Learn to ask great questions that open people up and allow them to be a participant in the conversation, rather than a spectator to your presentation.

3. Really Listen
The skill of listening is something that very few people possess. I know that I am as guilty as the next guy. (just ask my wife) But learning to really listen to others so that they feel understood and validated will create the kind of connection that we are seeking.

4. Tell Stories
People love stories. But more importantly stories evoke emotion in people that creates connection to the message of the story as well as the messenger. (that is you) If you are communicating only dry, boring facts, without any emotional connecter (a story) you will not create connection. Stories are a great tool to bring humor, reality and human connection into any communication.

In all of your communication, don’t miss the mark. The goal is connection, not perfection.

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A Devistating Disease You’ve Never Heard Of

By tybennett | Published: September 28, 2011

Atherosclerosis is the progressive build up of plaque, fatty deposits, and other cells in the walls of your arteries causing them to harden. This horrible disease is the leading cause of coronary heart disease and stroke, which were responsible for 602,000 deaths in 2004 — more than 25% of all deaths in the United States. Each year about 1.2 million Americans are diagnosed with coronary heart disease and about 700,000 people suffer a stroke.
As staggering as these statistics are, I believe that an even greater percentage of people around the world suffer from a cousin disease called Psychosclerosis.
Psychosclerosis is the hardening of the attitude, which causes a person to cease dreaming, seeing, thinking, and leading. It is the hardening of the mind so that we become unteachable: we stop learning and we stop growing. It is the hardening of the heart, which takes away our ability to feel, love and believe. While this disease does not physically take lives, it robs millions of people of the quality of life and success they deserve.
To combat this disease, successful people stay humble, are constantly learning and growing, and reaching for new goals. The purpose of this life is growth, becoming the person you are capable of becoming.
Don’t let psychosclerosis ruin your life.

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Influence Comes Down to The Three C’s

By tybennett | Published: September 19, 2011

Have you ever wondered what makes someone influential?

Why did people follow Gandhi? Or Martin Luther King Jr.?

What makes leaders, entrepreneurs, politicians or salespeople influential?

These are the questions I have asked myself for years. In my career I have had a chance to work with and share the stage with some of the greatest influencers in the world and I’ve studied them. I’ve watched their way of being, their interactions, the way they treat people and I’ve tried to understand this elusive quality we call influence.

The great thing that I’ve discovered about influence is that it comes down to just three things. More importantly though, these are things that we control.

So if you want to be more influential, then work on improving the three C’s.

- Character
- Competence
- Communication

1st C – Character
Billionaire John Huntsman once said, “There are no moral shortcuts in the game of business – or life. There are, basically, three kinds of people: the unsuccessful, the temporarily successful, and those who become and remain successful. The difference is character.”

Influence is based on trust and people first need to have confidence in your character to trust you. Character is who you are. The word originally meant something that was engraved – on wood, on medal, or on one’s soul. During the time of Shakespeare the word began to be used for a part that an actor played. Characters acted out roles, wearing masks to hide their true identity.

The unfortunate truth is that many people treat their character today like they did in Shakespeare’s time. They try to compartmentalize their life, being one person in public, while they are someone totally different in private. Or they try to put on a show. The truth is, your true character always shows itself.

Your character is who you are in totality. Are you trustworthy? Are you a good person? Do you care about others?

When I think of the people who have had the most influence on me, their influence isn’t based in what they have; it comes from who they are.

We follow people because of their character.

Action Item
To build your character, focus on your integrity. Be a person that people can trust and count on. Make a commitment today to follow through. Do what you said you would do, when you said you would do it, the way you said you would do it. When you follow through, people will gain confidence in who you are.

2nd C – Competence

Once people buy into who you are (character) they need to know that you have something to offer. Whether that is knowledge or skill (or both) – competence is essential for you to be influential.
Why would someone follow an incompetent person? Well it’s obvious, they wouldn’t.
In the book, Influencer the authors point out need for both character and competence. “People, including children, pay attention to individuals who possess two important qualities. First, these people are viewed as knowledgeable about the issue at hand. They tend to stay connected to their area of expertise, often through a variety of sources. Second, opinion leaders are viewed as trustworthy. They don’t merely know a great deal about a certain area, but they also have other people’s best interest in mind. This means that they aren’t seen as using their knowledge to manipulate or harm, but rather to help. If others believe that you’re missing either of these two qualities, you won’t be very influential.”

Competence is a requisite to influence, and those who are influential understand that the more they more competent they become, the more influence they carry.

Action Item
It is not sufficient just to be competent enough to get by. You need to be viewed as an opinion leader or an expert. To do that, I started early in my career taking at least 30 minutes everyday to study my profession. I wanted to know more than other people knew and be able to share that knowledge when needed. I didn’t always need to share what I knew but it added confidence because I would always be ready.

3rd C – Communication

As an influencer, you have a message. Being able to communicate that message in a concise, engaging, compelling fashion is influence in action.

In communication there are so many areas to focus. Do you turn your presentations into conversations by engaging the audience? Is your message understandable? Is it memorable? Are you engaging emotion that causes people to take action? How is your eye contact? Tone of voice? Body language?

Those are all important but I think we often miss the point of communication.

John Maxwell wrote a great book titled, “Everyone Communicates, But Very Few Connect.” I love that title because it is true. And I think that when it comes to communication most people focus on perfection, but the true focus should be on connection. It is human connection that makes a difference in our message.

The fact is that we are all in the people business, and as our ability to communicate and connect improves, we will excel in the people business.

Anthony Robbins was right when he said, “The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.”

Action Item
The best way that I have found to better my communication to record myself and play it back. When you record yourself and listen to what you say – it is extremely eye opening. You will know if you use filler words, if you sound confident, if you are clear and concise and if you are engaging. Would you buy from you? Would you take action on your message? Great communicators are born that way; they are constantly working on it. Make it a habit to record your self and play it back.

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How To Overcome Procrastination

By tybennett | Published: September 15, 2011

Benjamin Franklin said, “You may delay, but time will not.”

All of us at times are guilty of procrastination. We put things off, and delay the inevitable. The word procrastinate actually means to move something forward to another day.

It reminds me of a story about a WWII veteran. He was looking in his attic one day and saw his old army duffle bag. He opened it up and decided to put on his uniform. The uniform was a little tighter than it once was but he looked in the mirror and remembered the feeling of being a soldier out on the battlefield.

When he reached in his pocket he felt something and he pulled out a claim ticket. It was for a pair of shoes that he dropped off to be fixed years ago. The shoe repair store was still in business, so he decided to go and see, if by chance, they still had his shoes.

The owners Son now ran the store and looked at the claim ticket puzzled. “I’ll go and take a look in the back, but this was a really long time ago.” He told the Army Vet.

After a few minutes the man returned and said, “You won’t believe this but I found your shoes!”

“They will be ready for you on Wednesday.” ☺

A mentor of mine is fond of saying, “The word that is synonymous with wealth is urgency.” And for each of us to be more productive, efficient, effective and successful we need to overcome the nasty habit of procrastination.

So why do we procrastinate? There are many reasons:

• A perception that a task is unpleasant or overwhelming
• Fear of the Unknown
• Fear of Change
• Perfectionism
• Fear of Failure
• Disorganization

But regardless of the reason, the outcome is always the same. Deadlines are not met, stresses are raised, guilt sets in and it makes us look bad to others.

Most importantly, we usually procrastinate the things that are most important and make us the most money.
Things like:

• Making Salse Calls
• Preparing For Important Meetings or Presentations
• Having Tough Conversations

We allow the unimportant to get in the way of the important. Instead of making sales calls, we take out the trash and organize our office. When we are supposed to be preparing our presentation, we surf the internet or look at cool power point designs.
Yes, procrastination gets us all at times.

But I believe urgency is synonymous with wealth because wealthy people are productive. They are organized, efficient and willing to do the uncomfortable to create comfort.

So what is the remedy?

Here are a few ideas;

• If we feel overwhelmed, instead of being paralyzed break it down into actionable steps. Make one big project into 10 small projects and get to work.

• If we are afraid of being uncomfortable (making sales calls for example) then set up a reward that motivates you. If I make 10 calls, I get a piece of my favorite cake.

• If we are constantly putting things off and not following through then set up accountability with someone who will call you on it and keep you on track.

Feel free to share your ideas on how you overcome procrastination. Lets all learn together.

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Reflections & Projections

By tybennett | Published: September 12, 2011

Many of you know I celebrated my birthday last Saturday. I turned 30.

Turning 30 really caused me to reflect on the last decade and what I have been able to accomplish and contribute and to set new goals for the decade ahead.

So this post is a bit personal, but my purpose is two fold:
1. I want to thank you for being part of my life in the last 10 years.
2. I want to share my goals with you so that you will hold me accountable.

I want to start by saying that I feel like 30 is just the beginning. I am excited about the next ten years and the people I am going to be able to learn from, grow with and help with my message.

The last ten years have been amazing. I want to thank you for whatever part in that you played. This has been a crazy, exciting, and productive decade.

Most importantly, in the last ten years Sarah and i have been able to start a family and have been blessed with 3 amazing kids. If you know me well, you know that they are my world. A mentor of mine once said, “No success in life will compensate for failure in the home.” and I try and keep that in mind every day.

My brother Scott and I have been able to build an incredible business in my twenties that has grown to over $20 Million in revenue. I have learned so much in the process and continue to learn everyday. It has been challenging, at times exhausting, but incredibly rewarding as well.

In the last ten years I really discovered my passion for speaking and teaching. I published my first book – The Power of Influence as well as several audio and video programs. I have been able to speak around the world (10 countries so far) and in 25 states in the US. I have had a chance to speak to Fortune 500 companies as well as associations and organizations from many industries.

The thing that I can say at this point is that I love my life. I love what I am doing everyday. I love who I spend my time with. I love the difference I get to make, and i love what is ahead of me!

So here are a few things to look for in my 30s. (and I want you to hold me to them!)

-I am going to continue to write books, but I am going to do it in a bigger way. I plan on having 2 New York Times Bestselling Books in the next ten years. (hold me to it and help me do it)

-Scott and I are going to continue to grow our business – and plan on doubling it in size.

-And I plan on speaking in the other 25 states as well as many more countries. I want to share my message with more than 1 million people in live audiences and millions of people through media and the internet.

-On the home front – we are planning on expanding our family of five (atleast by one more)

I want to thank you for being part of my list and I hope that the articles, interviews and videos I send out are helpful and serve you.

Here is to another successful 10 years!

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A Communication Lesson From Jerry Seinfeld

By tybennett | Published: September 7, 2011

Jerry Seinfeld is one of the most recognized comedians in the world. In the early 90s it was Jerry’s comedy that spearheaded the popularity of observational humor.

Here are a few of his funny observations:

• According to most studies, people’s number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.

• I was the best man at the wedding. If I’m the best man, why is she marrying him?

• It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Jerry is a great comedian and a great communicator and he taught a great lesson on communication when he said, “I will spend an hour taking an eight word sentence and editing it down to five.”

In comedy, the fewer the words between the set-up and the punch word, the bigger the laugh. In business communications, change the punch word or phrase to impact phrase.
The lesson is still the same.

In our high paced, content filled world, if we want our communication to be heard and understood – we need to be succinct.

The dictionary defines succinct as concise, and clearly expressed.

We live in a world where most people’s attention span has generally become shorter, while their expectations regarding crisp and clear communication have risen. We live in an attention economy where the Youtube generation expects to get the essence of a message in thirty seconds.

So, are you succinct in your communication? Are you concise? Do you express your message clearly?

Here are three ideas that will help you communicate more succinctly:

1. Increase Your Vocabulary
- Having a solid vocabulary allows you to say things more succinctly. Increasing your vocabulary will help you to discover a better, clearer and more concise way to say what you want to say.
As an example – learning new words will allow you to choose better verbs, which will eliminate the unnecessary adverbs and adjectives.
So pick up a thesaurus, and spend some time beefing up your vocabulary.

2. Trim The Fat

- I believe in the rule, “If it’s not necessary to say – It’s necessary not to say.” People add words and content into their communication, stories and presentation that does not need to be there. To avoid this – trim the fat. The best way to do this is to practice. Record yourself and listen to it. Pay attention to parts that drag on. Trim the fat so that you are saying things clearly and concisely.

3. Use Twitter.
-This idea might seem random but if you haven’t tried the social media platform twitter then it is time to start, if for no other reason than a communication experiment. If you’ve ever used Twitter, you know that you have 140 characters to say whatever you want to say. Now keep in mind, I didn’t say 140 words—or even 140 letters—I said 140 characters. That’s not a lot of room. Letters, numbers, symbols, punctuation and spaces all count as characters on Twitter. What all of this means is, you have to be concise. You have to know exactly what you want to say, and say it in as few of words as possible.
Jerry Seinfeld teaches a great lesson in communication – the more clear and concise the better.

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What Country Music Taught Me About Public Speaking

By tybennett | Published: August 30, 2011

When I was 16 years old, I had a girlfriend who slowly but surely converted me to country music. It started with Garth Brooks’ Standing Outside The Fire. – (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jh499tJV_sY)

Then it was Tim McGraw, Toby Keith and pretty soon I was hooked.

Country music songs are great because they have much more of a story to them than most other genres of music. (I know what the haters are thinking – “my dog died, my wife left me, etc…)

And within the stories of country music songs there is an incredible lesson for anyone who speaks to groups or gives presentations.

I first recognized this pattern with Tim McGraw’s song – Don’t Take The Girl.
Read the lyrics and then I’ll tell you how it applies.

Don’t Take The Girl

Johnny’s daddy was taking him fishin’
When he was eight years old
A little girl came through the front gate holdin’ a fishing pole
His dad looked down and smiled, said we can’t leave her behind
Son I know you don’t want her to go but someday you’ll change your mind
And Johnny said “Take Jimmy Johnson, take Tommy Thompson, take my best friend Bo
Take anybody that you want as long as she don’t go
Take any boy in the world
Daddy please don’t take the girl

Same old boy
Same sweet girl
Ten years down the road
He held her tight and kissed her lips
In front of the picture show
Stranger came and pulled a gun
Grabbed her by the arm said “If you do what I tell you to, there won’t be any harm”
And Johnny said “Take my money, take my wallet, take my credit cards
Here’s the watch that my grandpa gave me
Here’s the key to my car
Mister give it a whirl
But please don’t take the girl

Same old boy
Same sweet girl
Five years down the road
There’s going to be a little one and she says it’s time to go
Doctor says the baby’s fine but you’ll have to leave
‘Cause his momma’s fading fast and Johnny hit his knees and there he prayed
Take the very breath you gave me
Take the heart from my chest
I’ll gladly take her place if you’ll let me
Make this my last request
Take me out of this world
God, please don’t take the girl

Johnny’s daddy
Was taking him fishin’
When he was eight years old

The central message “Don’t Take The Girl” that ran through the song is what we call in speaking a through line or a foundational phrase.

A foundational phrase encapsulates your message into a short, powerful takeaway message and it becomes a through line when you can weave it through your entire speech like the song – leaving your audience crystal clear on what your message is.

When you prepare a speech or presentation I want you to try and clearly state the central message in one sentence. Can you do it? Do you have a foundational phrase that is succinct, clear, poignant, and memorable?

I often speak to High Schools and High School Leadership Organizations and the speech that I give is titled, “Playing To Win.” My foundational phrase comes in the form of a question, “Are you playing to win or playing not to lose,” and I come back to it with every point that I make. What do you think I want those kids to remember from my speech and in decisions they make? Right – “Am I playing to win or playing not to lose?”

I know what you are thinking – what if I am making several points in my presentation? Well, most presentations are an opening, 3 points and then a close – so my question is what is the main message? I know you have three points – but what do the three points lead to? If you could only make one point, what would it be?
If you become clear on the overall message, it will actually strengthen your three points because it gives them and anchor and context.

A strong foundational phrase and through line will make any speech or presentation more impactful and more memorable.

So as you prepare your next speech – take a lesson from country music.

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50 Ways To Say You Care

By tybennett | Published: August 26, 2011

This came from my friend Frank Sonnenberg (www.franksonnenbergonline.com)

50 Ways To Say You Care

“I’m so proud of you. – Don’t worry. – Tomorrow’s another day. – How could I forget? – Is there anything that I can do for you? – I’d like to make a toast. – We were so worried about you. – I’d prefer that you have it. – It’s obvious that you put a lot of time into this. – Sure I have time to talk. – Your effort is never taken for granted. – If it’s good enough for you, it’s good enough for me. – That color looks great on you. – You exceeded our wildest expectations. – We couldn’t have done it without you. – We’ll miss you so much. – You’re in our thoughts and prayers. – We’ll always be here for you. – Your effort clearly shows. – Take half of mine. – I’m happy to teach you how to do it. – I’ll never forget what you did for me. – What’s your opinion? – It’s my pleasure to introduce you. – I thought you’d be interested in this. – You made my day. – What can I do to help? – I’m so sorry. – I missed you. – I’ve learned so much from you. – I’ve always looked up to you. – I understand what you’re going through. – Here, have mine. – You made all the difference. – You’re going to be a star. – Congratulations! – I’ve never seen anything this good. – Pay it forward. – Do you want to talk? – I completely understand what you’re saying. – It’s been too long since we talked. – I always have time for you. – Go get’em! – It’s the least we can do for you. – I’m so happy for you. – You’re a good friend. – I love you. – If anyone can do it, you can. – Tell me all about it. – You do that so much better than I do. – Please be our guest. – Would you like to join us? . Let me show you. – Surprise! – You’re one of a kind. – You changed my life.

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Should You Give Sales Presentations or Have Sales Conversations (Part 6)

By tybennett | Published: August 24, 2011

Ok – I think this is going to be the last post in this ongoing series. Let’s recap quickly. If you are in sales – you are an influencer. Your purpose is to engage your audience and there is no engagement in a monologue – you need to move to a dialogue (a sales conversation).

To read all of the earlier posts – click on the links to the side.

Last week we talked about creating dialogue through questions and listening in a small group or one on one sales presentation – but I have had several people ask how you do that if you are presenting to a large group. – Well I’m glad you asked. :)

Speaking done right should be a dialogue and not just a monologue. I don’t mean that in the traditional sense of back and forth conversation but if you want engagement from your audience they should be participating in the speech. So how do you do that?

A speech is a dialogue between the presenter and the inner voice of the audience members. As a presenter our job is to keep the audience engaged and involved.

So here are what I call The 5 Tools of Engagement.

1. Humor is a great way to keep the audience involved (as a caution – humor needs to be natural, if you are not funny – don’t try too hard)

2. Shock is another way to engage an audience. If you can say something that is shocking, or catches people off guard, you will have their attention.

3. Questions – as you speak to groups, you should ask questions that create curiosity and reenforce relatability. Questions that cause them to participate. (Such as – can you relate to that?) When you ask those questions, you need to insert a pause, give time for people to answer the question in their mind.

4. Audience Participation Opportunities – When you speak to groups you can get them involved. Have them write something down as an exercise. Have them raise their hand in an answer to a question. Have them discuss a concept with their neighbor and then share their ideas. (note – I am not a fan of cheesy audience participation tactics. Such as – stand up, touch your mind and say I am a genius!) I think that we can be more natural than that and still get people involved without turning them off.

5. Make your message about them. As a speaker, your ideas, concepts and stories should be relatable to your audience. The most important word in speaking is “You”. If you make a point – bring it back to the audience. (How does it apply to them?) If you tell a story, bring the audience into the story. If you teach a concept, make sure that the audience knows and understands how to apply that concept in their life. Make your message about the audience.

A presentation or a speech to a group becomes an engaging conversation if you apply these five tools.

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Should You Give Sales Presentations or Have Sales Conversations (Part 5)

By tybennett | Published: August 18, 2011

I only have a few more posts on this topic. If you have been following this ongoing conversation – I hope you have learned something. I have received tremendous feedback and appreciate all your thoughts.

To view earlier parts – click on the earlier blog posts below.

Last post we talked about the importance of asking questions to turn your sales presentation into a sales conversation. With that in mind I want to talk about the role & importance of both competence & confidence.

If you are going to make it a sales conversation than you need to know that even though you give the same presentation every time (generally)
you really never give the same presentation.

What does that mean? It means that you will probably cover the same points and arrive at the end goal – but the conversation will be organic and will be different with every prospect. If the focus is on them – then they direct the flow of the conversation because we make it about them.

If they are a detail person – you give more details (as an example)

To let your conversation be organic and still feel in control – you need to have a great deal of competence and confidence. Competence means that you know your stuff. But it’s not enough just to know it – you need to be confident in that knowledge so that you can trust the organic flow of a conversation and still arrive at the desired destination.

How do you develop competence – study.
How do you develop confidence – practice.

I know a lot of people in sales who if they were quizzed know their stuff. But they choke with prospects. Why? They need more confidence which comes through practice.

Obviously the more you do it the better you get – so every sales conversation will be a learning experience. But I also believe that we have lost the art of role playing.

Let me tell you why I believe in this so much.
When I was 19 I moved to Portugal to serve a mission for my church. I was there for two years and while there I was teaching people everyday about my beliefs. The whole time I was there I had a companion who I lived and worked with day in and day out. And every morning for two years we had a one hour companionship study where we would role play different techniques or sections of what we were teaching.

Yes it felt awkward at first (and many times later) but the more we did it the better we got and the more natural it felt. (like any other skill)

Those two years of role playing every morning taught me how to teach – but it also taught me a skill set that I have used since to succeed in sales, speaking, and leadership.

Take the time to role play – it will help you to become confident in your competence.

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